Questions to ask someone newly dating
October has to be among the most beloved months of the year. (And it’s not yet cold enough to be so bundled up that your date can’t see what you look like.) Cozy and comfy is cute.
The changing leaves, the little goblins and ghouls knocking at your door, the mulled wine….
The dreariness of winter has yet to set in, so the dark days are still romantic ones. Roast the seeds for a tasty snack while you perfect your creations.
On rainy days, you can curl up with a hot toddy and a loved one.
Of course this seasoned woman has had time and life enough to make these queries. At this point in my life, I have accumulated experiences and life lessons that I desire to share with a partner.
I consider myself a wealthy woman since my friends and family are my treasures.
I could chalk it up to fear of loss and re-creating the worst dynamics of my marriage, analysis paralysis about what I did that contributed to some of the dysfunction in that decade plus two, regret and shame about some of my choices, raising my son as a single parent, experimenting with relationship paradigm options, re-inventing myself, busy-ness with life stuff, focusing on career building and at times, truly enjoying being single and now that my son is an adult, making choices that primarily affect only me.
Call the chimney sweep and get your fireplace in working order.
The other person has “been there, done that, got the t-shirt” too. My current definition involves two people who have a common and merged vision, who communicate it openly and who take steps daily to strengthen and support that bond.
As a minister who has married over 300 couples since 1999, I have witnessed this dynamic with many of them.
Although my parents came from “different sides of the track,” with divergent socio-economic background, love and that intention sustained their nearly 52 year marriage.
A huge dose of love, fun, affection in word and action, co-creating wonder, thinking of the other person and what will delight them, shared responsibility for maintaining a household, flexibility, willingness to work through “stuff” when things get messy, taking time and space to breathe and respond, rather than react and attack, knowing that we have each other’s backs, open mindedness and openheartedness, creativity, play, spiritual practice, sexual nourishment, mutual support of each other’s dreams (even if they are not in lock step with each others’), are on my desire list.